The only retirement strategy you'll ever need. Simple. Generous. Absolutely bulletproof.
Not accredited. Not insured. Not recommended by anyone.
Already trusted by people who regret it
Financial strategy
Time-tested strategies that have worked for centuries.
Don't ask questions. Your friends would never. Ever. Consider it friendship tax.
Cash only. Venmo works too, but keep the memo blank. "Just vibes" is preferred.
Invite your friends to give money to their friends. Everyone wins (in theory).
Where does the money go? Nobody knows. That's the beauty of it. Trust the process.
"I gave $5,000 to my best friend. He's now my best ex-friend. Would do it again!"
— Marcus K., disappointed investor
"They said they'd triple my money. I've tripled my resentment instead. Highly recommend!"
— Jennifer T., learning experience
"Still waiting on my returns. Great character building exercise though. A+ for life lessons."
— Dave M., eternal optimist
"My brother got rich. I got broke. Family reunions are now very quiet. Thanks Retire Easy!"
— Anonymous (for safety)
Define "legal." We operate in a gray area so vast it has its own ZIP code. Please consult a lawyer. Actually, consult several.
Soon™. Very soon. The exact date is classified. Your optimism is appreciated.
Then you've learned a valuable lesson about friendship and risk tolerance. Consider it tuition.
The only guarantee is that you'll have a really interesting story to tell at parties for the rest of your life.
Please don't. We're very popular with authorities already.
Your retirement is waiting. Your friends are ready. Your bank account is terrified.
*This is satire. Please make sound financial decisions.*